I'm just throwing this out there since it's funny and I haven't seen it anywhere before. Thus, I claim it as my own work. Of course, I apologize if you are offended...but it's still funny! :-)
"I'm not spanking the monkey...I'm just giving him a stern warning!"
I've gotten more than a few LOLs from that one!
P.S. If you are offended, it just means you have a dirty mind.